Introducing ZorgBorg ✦ Now accepting humans
The platform that synergizes your synergies. We're not entirely sure what your problem is — but we're very confident we solve it.
No commitment. No agenda. Possibly no follow-up.
What We Do (Allegedly)
Our proprietary ZorgEngine™ analyzes everything you're doing and replaces it with something slightly better. Results vary. Mostly up.
Learn more ›ZorgBorg's intelligence layer predicts what you want before you want it — occasionally before you exist as a legal entity.
Learn more ›Big ones, small ones, green ones. Insights so compelling you'll screenshot them for LinkedIn and feel great about it.
Learn more ›Slack. Gmail. That spreadsheet your CFO guards with their life. That COBOL system from 1987. ZorgBorg connects to it all. Probably.
Learn more ›We use encryption the military uses, probably. Your data is stored in a vault inside a mountain inside a metaphor. Very safe.
Learn more ›Words from actual humans. Probably.
“I didn't know what ZorgBorg did. I still don't. But our revenue went up and my boss stopped asking questions.”
“We implemented ZorgBorg on a Friday afternoon. By Monday, three things were better. We haven't touched it since. 10/10.”
“My LinkedIn profile now says I'm a ZorgBorg power user. I've received 14 recruiter messages this week. Coincidence?”
Drop us your email and a sentence about yourself. We'll read it, nod thoughtfully, and get back to you faster than you expect and slower than you want.